Falling for Asinine

The September issue is out.

Self-Portrait of the Artist by Vernon Waring
Painting by Graham Everett
Nancy Grace Bitchslaps My Muse by Figgie Creamcheese
Choy’s Religion by Ann Steiner
This is My Mind, This is My House by William Wesley Ankrum
Lust by Jekwu Anyaegbuna
Describing the Ideal Art Film about Equality by Dustin Michael

Book Review: Ship of Fool, William Trowbridge by Adam Vatterott
Broke Bert Mountain by Richard Cairo*
Germline by Richard Tyrone Jones

classic asinine
A Pretty Girl by J. Gordon Coogler

Episode 93: Asinine Night 3D

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Hollow, Hollow

I guest-wrote an episode of Friday’s Forgotten Books at the lovely Patti Nase Abbott’s blog. Thank you, Patti! Here is an excerpt:

THE HOLLOW MAN, John Dickson Carr

The Hollow Man would make Raymond Chandler kick a hole in a stained glass window. The book’s protagonist, Dr. Gideon Fell, is one of those idiosyncratic, overly clever characters who exist only in cozy mysteries, someone you would never want to know socially in real life — because wherever he goes someone dies. He is also exactly the kind of fellow Chandler decries in his essay “The Simple Art of Murder”: “The hero’s tie may be a little off the mode and the good gray inspector may arrive in a dogcart instead of a streamlined sedan . . . but what he does when he gets there is the same old futzing around with timetables and bits of charred paper and who trampled the jolly old flowering arbutus under the library window.”

But in trying to write my own crime fiction, I have been intrigued by the idea of clues, of leaving evidence around to engage and perplex the reader. TV’s Columbo is one of those types of clue-strewn mysteries. After Columbo, ahem, I mean Peter Falk died, I read an interview with one of the shows co-creators, William Link. Link mentioned that his writing partner Richard Levinson and he were influenced by Carr, someone I’d never heard of. Curious, I Googled Carr and found that he was quite popular in his the 1930s and ’40s and that one of his best known works was The Hollow Man (aka The Three Coffins) . . . I had to read it.

Read the rest here.

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Asinine in August

Budget Meeting by Doug Draime
Jumper by Marc Carver
Mr. Lazarus Is Sick of Cleaning Up After Lady Lazarus’s Failed Suicide Attempts by Matt Medina
The Litany of Seven by Jekwu Anyaegbuna
Jeez, My Legs Still Hurt by Carson Dyle
Trailer Park Dog by Daniel Sciarra

Dark Noir: The Tax Man Always Rings At Least The One Time by Richie Narvaez*
The Jig Is Up, a Travelogue of Ireland by Eileen Budd
Lunch with Imaginary Gary by Adam Vatterott

classic asinine
If They Meant All They Said by Alice Duer Miller

Episode 92: Captain Asinine

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Black Hearted

Joan Jett, eat yer heart out

I’ve a new story in Black Heart Magazine’s Noir issue, edited by Jailbreakin’ Jimmy Callaway and featuring Daniel B. O’Shea, Cameron Ashley, AJ Hayes, Jonathan Woods, Nik Korpon, Chris Deal, Alexander Kraft, Chris Benton, Kieran, Garnett, Keith Rawson, among many others. And it’s only $2.99! Download it already. Here is a teaser from my story:

Monkey in a Barrel
By R. Narvaez

A NAKED WOMAN with a gun can be a lot less interesting than you’d think. When the gun is pointed at you. And when the lady in question — as lovely as she is with high, pointed breasts, razor-sharp hipbones, and knee dimples cuter than Minnie Mouse — has killed twice before, without pause, without guilt.

“I like you, Kempe,” she said, not getting any closer, but getting slightly colder, it seemed.

“This is sad to me.”

“I’m not exactly doing cartwheels about it myself.”

“You’re a waste of good material.”

“Sure. Like an ugly blonde.”

For more, go here.

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Asinine Fireworks

Our July issue is up!

Beach Manager Blues by Natalie M. Dorfeld, PhD
What Lame — Anemic Creatures — by Apple Dickinson
Ragweed by Jenifer Lee Wallace
No Sex with Insects by Callie Cardamon
After Thoreau by David Alpaugh
¿Donde Está La Casa de Pepe? by Colonel Drunky Bob

Cozy Cabin, A Tale of Immigration by Skip Toumalou
Consider the Lowly Flame by Bernie Keating
Fatty Patty: Jumbo Love Doll by Joe Fusco Jr.

classic asinine
A Young Lady of Niger by William Cosmo Monkhouse

asinine podcast
Episode 91: Mission Asinine: Asinine Protocol

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Silly as Summer Appears

Our latest issue is out.

Dickhead by William Trowbridge
Bananas by Marc Carver
Half the Russian Wrestlers by Michael Frissore
Master Debate on May 22, 2011 by G. Nash
Emergency Action Drills by Natalie M. Dorfeld, PhD
Jenny’s Song by Roger Unrequited*

Losing My Religion: Oprahcalypse Now! by Judy Maitland
Da Last Speaker o’ Engrish Dies by Richard Cairo*
The Marriage, Right by Marybeth Niederkorn, Poet Extraordinaire

classic asinine
Comic Miseries by John G. Saxe

Episode 90: Asinine: First Class*

Download the new Asinine Poetry app for free.

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Take a Powder

He is all pine and I am apple orchard.

I have a new story up in the very cool and very noir flash fiction journal Powder Burn Flash. Here’s an excerpt.

Good Fences

By R.Narvaez

Joe walked out his front door, down the stoop, and over to Frank’s door. He rang the bell twice.

“I want to talk to you about your dogs,” Joe got around to saying.

Frank was 68, a retired cop. Well over six feet tall, he stood behind the barely opened door and blocked any view of the inside. His bushy eyebrows didn’t move. His big, fig-shaped face stayed blank.

“They bark all day. They never stop barking,” Joe went on. “Then they do their business right there by the fence. You can smell it. It brings flies. You know what I mean.”

“What do you want me to do about it?,” said Frank.

Read the rest here.


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