Nuyorican Obituary » Advertising

Top 10 Facebook Status Cliches

RNz — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 20:38:05 +0000

Friday was a useful day at work in that it resulted in this. How it got illustrates something about office life. Erik Trinidad, who writes the incredible travel mag The Global Trip, IM’d me, asking me to help him complete a list of the top 10 Facebook/Twitter status cliches. I had a desk covered with work-work to do, whatver it is that I do, so I of course quickly complied, and within minutes we hammered out the excellent list you see here, and which of course would be meaningless to you if you did not Facebook, Twitter, or even MySpace. Now run along and make it viral.

I Like It Dirty

RNz — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:35:38 +0000

The corporation I work for had its annual Community Service Day, which is sort of like being sentenced to a day of hard labor to assuage corporate-white-hegemonical guilt. Sort of. Actually, it is nice to do something—in this case painting, gardening, and sprucing up a school in the Bronx—to feel like you’re fighting back some of the City’s chaos (much like Batman! POW! Take that, chaos!), although there were some moments as I was out in the heat sweating my body weight in water I couldn’t help feeling that in a few hours after we leave the chaos, the tags, the discarded dime bags will all return. Still, the afterparty (free food, free beer) was good. Pictured here: Me in my uniform for the day. That stain looks like I gave birth to a mudbaby, doesn’t it? Update: I put that shirt in the laundry, and the stain remains, but I think I can see the smirking face of Christ in it. Photo by Phil “T-1000″ Langer.

The Advertising Game

RNz — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:57:11 +0000

Sometimes this job is a little too Lord of the Flies. Only part of this is because many of my co-workers are quite young and seem like they are trying on adult roles, and the shoulders are sometimes too big, the hemlines drag on the floor, and the big, corporate words seem ill-suited to be coming out of their bright, cherubic faces. More of it is the feeling, especially when I am in a meeting, there we are all playing at a job, gathered around a table as if around a game board, Parcheesi, Clue, or — more analogous to the assignments we carry out — Chutes and Ladders. Our actions are scripted: the seemingly uptight marketing person opens the proceedings, usually in a serious tone, announcing a wish or a dream (about the smallest things sometimes, such as a four words of copy and a picture); the visibly disgruntled art director or designer will usually bemoan something — the client, the deadline, the last job, his/her iPhone service; then the visibly distracted copywriter may or may raise his/her befuddled head from a really interesting doodle to speak — if so, then it is either to make a wisecrack of no consequence to the actual meeting or to mock the clients’ expectations; then the seemingly secretive delivery manager, who all the while works quietly, diligently on her laptop on what? — a personal blog? secret reports about the designer or copywriter’s little comments to the PTB? job applications? — speaks up at the end of the meeting like the winning detective in Clue, or a blackjack dealer announcing she has a hand that trumps all other others — i.e., the project deadline — sparking worry in the marketing person’s mind and at the same time confirming the designer and copywriter’s grumblings. All these actions, mannerisms, even our dialogue seem to have been written long ago, possibly by men in suits in smoke-filled rooms in the ’50s, possibly thousands upon thousands of years earlier — picture a circle of Cro-Magnons around a fire, grunting how best to dress up the latest buffalo hide and present it to the neighboring tribe chief so as not to cause another big rumble in the jungle.

Top 10 Things I Should’ve Done at the Big Staff Party Last Night

RNz — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:20:07 +0000

10. Brought a snack with me to nibble on during the speeches, so I wouldn’t've felt such an urge to gnaw on my own forearm for sustenance.
9. Cried when the award was given for the “heart” of the company.
8. Filled my pockets with cookies.
7. Filled my pockets with skewered shrimp.
6. Danced to that one danceable song in a row that came on about 8:17.
5. Not have cussed in Spanish.
4. Remembered that the bathrooms are not co-ed.
3. Seized the stage and read my meeting poetry.
2. Maybe not have had that last glass of wine.
1. Kept my pants on. Or wore interesting underwear.

Even More Work Poems

RNz — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:41:21 +0000

FEEDBACK POEM NO. 1
We will explore ways to make this more legible.
We will explore different ways to make this more clear.
We will create banners for each type.
We will explore different placements and treatments.
We will explore better ways to balance the elements.
We will explore different ways to communicate this but it has been difficult.
We will explore ways to make these more similar.
We will revise.
We believe that it is prominent enough. Adding it again would be redundant and add unnecessary clutter.
We would like to keep this language here.
We will add this.
We will revise.

FEEDBACK POEM NO. 2
Move forward with the concept
However, please provide more contrast
between the body
Move forward with
You’re invited
You’re invited to test
Make the user feel special and know that he is amongst a select few
Move forward with “Hi, I’m Allison.”
Move forward with “Chat now”
Add language to inform the user that they have been “specially selected”
Move forward with the concept
Add language
You have been chosen
Hi, I’m Allison
Please provide more contrast

Inappropriate Things I Have Said at the Office, 1

RNz — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:23:53 +0000

Co-worker: “Oh, I’m married.”
Me: “That’s so sad.”

Me: “Whoa! Is that blouse see-through?”

Me: “Isn’t this whole concept a little silly?”

Supervisor: “Are you going to the client presentation?”
Me: “Honestly, I’d rather stay here and play Scrabulous.”

Me: “You are the best delivery manager I have ever met in your whole cubicle.”

Cubicle Neighbor: “What’s a good cure for grumpiness?”
Me: “Masturbation.”

More Work Poems

RNz — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 20:36:31 +0000

BANNER AD POEM NO. 1
EARN A FREE
Get What You
Need No
Go Where
You Want
Go ROUND-TRIP
Spend $1,000
Earn, No, APPLY
Now annual fee
Earn one,
Spend $1,000
for one
domestic
— a savings
Limited
Rewards
NOW
APPLY

MEETING POEM NO. 3
I am thinking of the user
We have to bucket them
We can bucket them and even before
we get to this point we
can talk about that
some other
That’s a big discussion
I’m thinking of the user
We were talking about
when we segment them
That’s when we come in
with the YOU-I
It’s not as high as high
Because high-high
Lives with the story
We can’t design
All of it now
I understand
Let’s keep
Going
We’ll just talk to it
We’re not showing them visuals
We won’t know until
We do a YOU-I
Maybe we should
Maybe we should take this
offline