hulk.JPGHulk movie not good. Puny director. Studio smashed half of movie before hit screens. Movie feel choppy. Movie feel smashed! Puny villain. No motivation. Hulk . . .

Ahh, enough of that. I guess I’ll go Mr. Fixit from here: Where is Rick Jones when you need him? No doubt spacing out in the Negative Zone. Or maybe he’s signed exclusively to the ill-fated Captain America movie or the ill-fated Avengers movie. I say “ill-fated” because I don’t want them to get made — I believe some stories work best in a certain medium, and it’s a damned shame when they get told outside of that medium. Don’t think of me as a purist. Sure, many stories work better in the medium in which they were created. For example, Underdog — better as an animated cartoon than as a comic book or a live-action movie (for which Jason Lee should finally be euthanized — put out of his misery already). But other stories work better in a new medium — Moses, for example, much better in a movie played by Charlton Heston than in that awkwardly written, contradictory text in which he first appeared. In any case, why complain? Corporations are as corporations do. If they think there’s a profit in it, they’ll strip-mine it, the hell with integrity, nostalgia, or quality. But you knew that already.

Speaking of mixed media, and back to the new Hulk movie, The Incredible Hulk, is a reboot of sorts of the unwatchable 2003 motion picture Hulk (which, by the way, suffered from the great bane of superhero movies — plot reductivism, e.g., villain involved in hero’s origin; bleh). That movie did not make enough movie, so the creators of the new Hulk decided to go back to the unwatchable ’70s TV series starring Bill Bixby. And they threw in some meager easter eggs for the fans — since Marvel is getting all Dr. Doomy on Hollywood now, I guess they can. Best thing in the movie: How much William Hurt in a toupe looks exactly like General “Thunderbolt” Ross. Who knew? Of course, he’s pretty 2D, but Ross always was.

In any case, if Rick Jones were around, maybe he could have fleshed the Holk’s character out a bit, so he wouldn’t seem like such a King Kong retread in this movie. The Hulk is a lot like King Kong, but he’s more like Frankenstein’s monster. And a smidge more of that pathos could have helped this movie. Oh, and those excised 70 minutes would probably help. A lot. Wait for the DVD.

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