I went to a Superbowl party yesterday. Not my first one ever, but maybe the first where I actually paid attention to the game. I mean, I don’t understand why people get so riled up and turn sports into a kind of religion. But hey I’m a Trekkie, what do I know? I think maybe I paid attention this time because of my friend G.’s HUGE TV set. I must admit, however, that while the kinetic examples of possible steroid abuse was of interest, I kept imagining how good a space battle would look on the screen. Anyway, nice work, Giants. See, I remembered the name of one of the teams.
Single Guy Hint No. 74: Never show up to anyone’s house empty-handed! Picking up a six pack is easy. Resisting the urge to just go home and finish it yourself is hard. But anyway, if you’re going to go, bring something. Saying, “I brought my empty stomach” does not count. I bring this easy-to-make guacamole recipe modifed from Rick Bayless’s book Authentic Mexican (Morrow 1987), and I always get good marks for it. Oh, unlike most times when cooking, since this is for your buddies, there’s no need to clean your hands.
Ultimate Guacamole
1 to 2 jalapenos, stemmed, seeded, finely finely chopped
2 ripe plum tomatoes, cored and diced
3 cloves garlic, mortared to a pulp
10 sprigs fresh cilantro, chopped
3 ripe, medium-size hass avocados (the expensive fancy ones)
Salt, about 1/2 teaspoon
Cumin, pinch
1 lime
I got this great mortar and pestle made out of volcanic rock. You may just have an old, but sturdy jock strap. In any case, smashing garlic in a bowl-like structure gives it a nice, sharper flavor for this. Throw in some salt to keep it steady and help draw out the garlic juice. That’s right, I said garlic juice. Deal with it. Then, in a medium-size bowl, mix the garlic mush and chiles with the tomato, and cilantro (or coriander, for you idiots).
Pretty soon before you serve, halve the avocados lengthwise by cutting down the long way not the short way, all around the pits. Twist one half of the avocados off like a soda cap. Chop yoru knife into the pits to get a hold of them, twist, and those babies will pop right out. Be careful not to cut off your fingers while trying to take the pit from your knife (knock the knife on the table and watch the pit fly!). Okay, use a paring knife, make a cross hatch cut in the avocado meat, then take a spoon and scrape it all out. Add to bowl.
Using a big spoon, a rubber spatula, or maybe a kitten, mash the avocado while mixing in the other ingredients, making a nice, but not too homogenous mush. Add lime juice before it all turns brown. Eat it! Eat it now!
I was looking through my apartment full of papers and came across this ad I posed for long ago, back when I was freelancing. The photo was taken by my friend Dave Blueberg, for a trade print ad about some suit material whose feel was supposed to be spiritual. As you can see, my hair was in full force. I guess I was trying out the whole hippy individualistic thing, rejecting what I was expected to look like. Now, I often used to wear this curly cumulus in a ponytail because it got in my face all the time (how can women deal with that?!), and the funny thing is that so many young Latinos I see now also wear (unfortunately) their pelo malo a bit longer and keep it ponytailed back, so that a bush of frizziness pops off the backs of their heads like a balloon, just like I useta have. What you don’t get from this pic, fortunately, and I wish I could provide an interactive scratch-and-sniff, is the pervading, earthy, and insidious smell of patchouli. Only a phase, those dark cafe days. Thank the Force. I did not, by the way, get to keep the suit.
