Nuyorican Obituary

Depressed today. Napped as much as I could. I don’t know if I can bear an existence where I am strapped to my own poop until someone decides to free me. When I close my eyes I think I can remember having four legs, running in a forest, and the freedom to relieve myself anywhere, anytime. Before that I remember wings. What I must have done in those lives to deserve this hell?!

Apparently I have siblings! Fuck! (Just learned this word. Wonder what it means. Feels good to say though.) No one told me I would have to share everything! I thought these kids in the house were part of some welcoming committee, which I appreciated but frankly didn’t find necessary. I just wanted to poop–which is, like, my new favorite thing–and then nap, which is, like, my second new favorite thing.

Their names are Ray and Yvette. As long as they don’t get between me and my napping and pooping, there won’t be a problem.

Ma has decided to name me “Richie.” WTF?! I protest loudly but no one here seems to understand Womb. It’ll take some time for me to learn the lingo here. Apparently, it’s called “Spanish.” Pop comes by to pick us up, drops us off, then leaves quickly. Am I beginning to see a pattern?

Got born today. LOL. Ma was a trooper. Pop showed, which was nice, being that it’s Father’s Day and all. Didn’t have time to get him a present though. If I could walk yet, I’d go to the gift shop and get him something while getting Ma some flowers or a carton of cigarettes or something.